BUILDING THE LIFE YOU WANT: job

Showing posts with label job. Show all posts

August 18, 2007

Opportunity for change No. 3 - the work-life balance

Over time, you find that those after-work habits have taken their toll on your waistline, and one morning you wake up and that suit you put on is pinching you in the side. You vow to start eating better tonight and rush off to work. After that most embarrassing rip while you bent down to pick up the pen your customer has dropped, you make your way hurriedly and crimson-faced to the next department store, buying the trousers in one size bigger. Once again thinking, "tonight I'll get the salad instead of the deep-fried meal", which you've forgotten by the time the youngster asks you what your order is, because those new pants fit so well and they're even a bit loose, so what could it hurt... add a dessert, too.

Over the last fortnight we've concentrated on issues that may arise in a work setting. Time to get to that other part of you - your life! Although admittedly, it's hard to draw a clear line between the two, because they're really quite connected, aren't they.

I bet you never really got it when your grandparents were talking about the good old days until you became an adult. Just imagine what those old times must have been like! No computers, no faxes, no mobile phones, little or no airtravel - hard to imagine, isn't it? True, they didn't have the mod cons we have today, but I guess they didn't have the need for them either. What I'm trying to say, is that so many inventions were born out of the necessity to save time at home so you can spend more time at work.

So, in the old days, the world was turning a lot slower, but nonetheless it was turning. People were not reachable 100 % of the time, and still the work got done. People did not receive instantaneous replies to their inquiries, they had to wait for the mail to arrive, but they didn't die in anticipation and still the work got done. People did not used to travel as much, but somehow everybody knew each other and still the work got done. Yes, they all worked long hours and probably weekends, and surely there were a number of premature, stress-related heart attacks, but I'll wager there were less than today.

Enter the digital revolution. In my imagination, back then people were conscientious and hard-working, but they knew how to relax, too. The office was left at the office, because there was no blackberry to take it home with. Nowadays, with the fast-paced and ever-changing environment all the business magazines talk about, I think real breaks are more difficult to take. How many of us have felt guilty for leaving the office at 6 pm although that's the official end of the working day? How many of us take the laptop home over the weekend just to catch up on the emails we didn't get a chance to read during the week? And, well, while we're at it, we may as well prepare that presentation for next Wednesday? It's commendable to be so devoted to one's profession, but it is dangerous to forget about one's need to rest in the process.

"Mens sana in corpore sano" - a healthy mind lives in a healthy body. A body that works 60+ hours a week and whose diet consists of fast food, coffee, and - dare I say it - cigarettes and other drugs isn't healthy. No wonder the mind goes downhill too, then. You have to be healthy in order to function; painkillers can only take care of the symptoms for so long. Ask yourself what could be the reason, what's the cause, why is your body reacting the way it does? Are you experiencing frequent headaches or migraines? Is your digestive system on the temperamental side? Do you feel irritable, emotional, or tired more than you think is normal? How about bouts of anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia or depression? Could it be that you'd be happier if you worried less about the job or what other people thought of you and spent more time with your family or friends? What are your hobbies? When did you last laugh out loud?

As you can tell, this is a wide field indeed, and there are plenty of opportunities for change simply thinking about how to handle stress, how to manage your emotions, and how to treat your body. For starters, you could take a couple of deep breaths, get that oxygen into every last one of your cells, make an effort to blink more often when you sit in front of a computer screen for long periods, and try to get more water, fruit and veg in. And drop me a line if there's any specific area you'd like to change and find out more about. Requests for post-topics are also welcome.

Til next time!

August 11, 2007

Opportunity for change No. 2 - pleasing others vs. pleasing yourself

You're probably still pretty good at your job though, at least good enough for your boss and colleagues to know that they can't live without you. Combine that with your helpful attitude and friendly demeanor, and you find yourself swamped with little bits and pieces clogging your schedule that may not even be in your job description! But, not wanting to appear rude and desperate to prove you're a team-player, you do them anyway. As a result you're stressed and busy, sometimes feeling like a headless chicken, and every evening you come home you're too tired to do anything more than kick off your shoes, grab a glass of wine, munch on fast or microwaveable food and plonk down on the couch in front of the television.

Again, I've experienced that, and probably so have you. The keyword here is boundaries. Yes, you're a nice person. Yes, you're helpful. Yes, it'd be quicker if you did it all yourself instead of explaining it to someone else, with the added benefit of you knowing it's been done right. Can you tell there's a "but" just around the corner? Here it is:

Continuously helping out others to the point of neglecting your actual responsibilities and health will not necessarily make them like, respect or value you more than they do or do not do already. "This'll just take a minute..." is fine and well, but is is a minute that you most likely had already set aside doing something else. Now, who should be in charge of deciding which minute and which task is more important? This is your time we're talking about!

Nobody's saying anything against helping out a colleague when they're in a tight spot and you have some time to spare. There's a lot to be said for guarding yourself against the office-slackers who make it their business to seek out colleagues they can exploit and regularly roll off some of their workload on though. It is likely they will play on your kindness and be indeed grateful ("You're the best, thanks ever so much"), or appeal to your ego ("You're really so much better at this than I am"). Alright, those phrases have been uttered sincerely too, so you'll just have to go with your gut-feeling if you're being used or truly appreciated.

If you're not sure about what that gut-feeling is, think it through a little. When approached for help you rarely have to answer yes or no on the spot. Take a moment and ask yourself some questions to find out how you feel about entering that commitment (and it is a commitment, assuming you're not likely to say you'll help and then eventually turn around and say you didn't have time after all). For example, is this a reasonable request? Does the colleague genuinely need help because they cannot perform the task at hand? Are you the best person they could ask for help or would somebody else be more suited? Does your schedule permit you taking out the time you would need to help the other out, or would it put you under pressure regarding your deadlines? If this is a recurring issue, would it be possible to speak to a superior about re-distributing responsibilities? Why do you think you should help them? What do you get out of it? What is your motivation?

If you're new to the position or the company, don't dismiss enquiring colleagues too quickly, but do be wary. If the same people come to you repeatedly, make the time to sit them down and explain exactly how you do the thing they admire so much, in order for them to learn to do it themselves.

Your position comes with its own set of responsibilities, make sure you see to them accordingly. After all, you are the one who will have to answer for them to your boss eventually. How will the boss react when you tell them you couldn't finish your project because you were busy helping out someone else with their tasks? "Hmm, we have a great team-player here" or more along the lines of "What a pity, that sounds like a distinct lack of prioritising and time management skills."

Putting your responsibilities first is a sign of the respect you have for your position and for yourself. All of us need help sometimes, and we should not be afraid to ask for it. But if you have the feeling someone is taking advantage, don't be afraid to say "No, I'm sorry, I'm busy." This way you will avoid unnecessary stress caused by too many open issues that are not even yours to worry about in the first place. Contrary to popular belief, saying "no" to something or someone does not make you a bad person. It makes you an aware person who knows their limits, and that is a very good quality to have.

I invite you to think about all the people in your life, not only in your job, as this powerful concept of boundaries applies to family members and friends as well. Who do you feel comfortable being around? Who would you rather not spend time with? Are there some who take more of your energy than they give? Is there anyone who you feel doesn't respect you? In what way are they behaving? Is there anything you can do about that?

Who says that a nice glass of wine after work is only reserved to the overly stressed-out, by the way. You still deserve to decompress in any way that works for you! Come back next week for more articles on opportunity for change, and have a look at your work-life balance.

Til next time!

August 4, 2007

Opportunity for change No. 1 - the comfortable job vs. the fulfilling job

You have a nice job. The commute is not so bad, the offices are in a safe area, your colleagues are real nice troopers, and the pay's good too. Well, obviously it's not as much as you would like to make, but it's enough to pay the bills. It allowed you to get used to a lifestyle you're comfortable with. Still, every Monday morning you find yourself wishing it was Friday afternoon, you may even take sick leave when you're not really that sick, or play solitaire and chat with your friends while your boss is waiting for that report. You're not feeling fulfilled, and every chance you get you mentally detach as far away from work as possible, distracting yourself with other things.

That was me only a couple of years ago. I tried to decide whether to quit for ages but only found myself turning around in circles. On the one hand, the pay was great, the peeps were nice and I lived in a nice flat in an expensive city, so I had literally no savings to fall back on (which makes looking for a new job all the scarier). On the downside, my boss didn't appreciate me, the office politics would have driven me crazy had I paid any attention to them, the tasks were repetitive and unchallenging. I was checking out and bored out of my skull - I was approaching 30 and the highlight of my working day was a few minutes of borderline-flirtatious chat with a co-worker. Not my idea of satisfying!

Over time, my self-esteem was sinking lower and lower. I had actually stopped respecting myself. Why was I staying in a job I didn't like? Why didn't I just get moving and find something else to do? I didn't feel challenged, I didn't feel I was realising my potential, I had to play a role in order to fit in, I had to ignore my talents, dumb down my personality, my actions didn't really serve a higher purpose, it was all meaningless and - empty. Yet despite all those negative feelings, it was easier to stay put than to take action.

Eventually I got the courage to ask for a transfer, but nothing was available, so I had to face my fear and take steps towards change: the search for a new job. If I was going to risk leaving a job as safe and well-paid as the one I had, the change had better be worth my while, I thought. So I sat down in a quiet place, took pen and paper to hand, and asked myself some serious questions: What do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to be in five, ten years? Which of my talents could I turn into an occupation? And, best question of all, if I knew I'd succeed, what would I be doing?

If you recognise yourself in any of what I've just described, please drop me a line! If you're in the middle of that brainstorming process, don't worry, enlightenment will come. Don't push yourself too hard, make sure that you're doing this for yourself, and give yourself the time you feel you need to be comfortable. Changing jobs, like changing house or relationships, is one of the biggest stressors you can experience in life. I'm sure that you too have all the necessary resources inside you to change out of the rut, and I'd love to assist in asking the right questions for your situation.

Til next time!